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The Old Groom's Forum

This site used to have a discussion forum from 2008 through 2011, but it wasn't very active and become more of a burden than a benefit so at the start of 2012 I disabled the forum. However, there were a few helpful discussions generated from the forum which I have preserved below.

Pre-marriage Counseling...

by elcoremino on 21 Jul 2009 11:23

I saw a topic about this on the main page. We had to have Pre-marriage counseling (pre-cana) in order to marry in the Catholic church. Was it helpful? Sort of. It's hard to say. We talked about everything before the counseling, so in counseling, it just brought those discussions out again. Our sponsor couple (in the Catholic church, you're paired up with an already married couple who walk you through a survey that you and your partner answer separately,) offered lots of advice on how to handle the situations, and unfortunately (or fortunately) we don't follow the advice very much. But! every once in a while, I find myself thinking about it from that angle... what did I do to make this "argument" happen? How can I do things differently next time?.... the standard Dr. Phil stuff. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. Obviously, if counseling is a requirement for your wedding plans (as it is in the Catholic church) then by all means, do it. If not, think about how much you and your partner discuss issues, and what issues: When to have kids. How to spend money. How much money can you spend without asking. Joint bank accounts or no? How the family should be organized (chores, parenting discipline, stay-at-home-mom/dad. If you never discuss these things, it might be a good idea to have some counseling. If you discuss them often but haven't come to a conclusion, maybe counseling. If you feel secure in the relationship and think that you discuss and resolve many of the issues that could arise, then maybe it's not for you. Personal choice, I suppose.

She says she doesn't need any help with the planning....

by elcoremino on 21 Jul 2009 11:09

It's a lie, gentlemen. Put down the coors-light, turn off the game, and make some phone calls. A way that worked for me was to ask for a list of things that we still need done. Once I had the list, I started making calls and took initiative. Make sure you include her though in everything. If you go to look at cakes, set up a time with your lady in which you can both go, but organize it all yourself.

Engagement ring? I need help!

by Mr.G on 21 May 2009 12:42

I'm thinking about proposing but have no idea how to go about picking her engagement ring. Any of you guys have advice? I'm not really familiar with the different metals. What's the difference between white gold and platinum? She's pretty rough on her jewelry so it has to last... I want only the best for her.

I'm thinking something elegant and classic.

Any thoughts?

by bwfaraday on 29 Jun 2009 12:41

Hi Mr. G,
I'm not sure if this message is too late to help you, but maybe it will be able to help someone else in your situation. I think your best bet would be to look at the rings/other jewelry she already has to get a sense of her style. This usually provides a good jumping off point.

by elcoremino on 21 Jul 2009 11:06

Mr. G,

Don't break the bank if you can't afford the top of the line ring. There will be plenty of places to spend your money when the wedding is on the way--believe me. Get the nicest ring, that matches what she likes, that you can afford. That is the best advice in the world. She's going to love the ring no matter what because it's from you, and this is the single-most meaningful piece of jewelry she'll ever have... no price tag will ever change that sentiment.

A little advice: go to a few stores and tell the clerks that you're wanting to get engaged, and ask to see rings. Have them pick some out for you. If the price is too expensive, but the ring is great, cut down on karrat of gold, or something like that. It's not a cheap action, it's a smart action. Nobody wants to start out their new life in debt.

Choosing bestman and groomsmen...

by elcoremino on 21 Jul 2009 11:02

Gentlemen,

This was the toughest part of the wedding for me, and it's still biting me in the rear. I have many close friends, but my fiancé not only had a hard time coming up with enough close people to fill her slots, so we had to limit the number. Plus, having ten people on each side for the wedding party would look bad. I decided the best way to do it was to make the ushers have an equal part in the wedding; to do so, I got them matching tuxedoes (the vests are different colors), and I am giving them all the same gift. In the end, the gifts became pretty costly, but it is worth it, I believe.

The hard part is that even though I explained to all of my friends that being an usher is equally as important to me as being in the wedding party, one groomsman didn't see it that way. He has decided to not talk to me anymore. Just be warned that this is a possible outcome when choosing a wedding party, and it's tough being selective, but you have to hope that you're close enough to each other that selection won't hurt anybody's feelings. This wasn't the case for me, but here's a bit of advice that might help: "Don't let anybody wreck this day for you." Life goes on, and if that friend wants no part in it, even though that's a bummer, that's the way it has to be, and the party will go on without him. It's his loss.

I hope this helps.

-ElCoremino

How did you pick her engagement ring out?

by uptoido on 01 Jul 2008 23:17

Sharing your experiences will help future grooms out.

In my particular case my fiancee made it very clear to me exactly which ring she wanted. She tried it on and let me know she liked it very much.

by elcoremino on 03 Oct 2008 12:50

first of all, this site was very helpful, and I'd like to see more advice, and now that I'm engaged, I'll go ahead and post some questions when they come up.

When I picked out her ring, I had listened for a long time to all of the things she said about rings (for us, we had talked about getting married for a while, so I just listened when other friends showed her their rings, or her talk about what she liked and didn't like about her mom's ring stuff like that.) The truth is, I think, that she would've loved any ring that I got her because she loves me. Sounds cheesy, but I think it's pretty true. I knew that she likes white gold from buying necklaces and other jewelry, and she made a lot of comments about princess cut (she was torn about whether she liked the square cut or not, so I got the princess, it has a some what square to it, but still had that classic diamond shape). Then I just picked out a slim band because she has small hands. I know that she likes old movies (like me) and that she's very conservative (like me), so I went for the classic solitary style. I hope this helps somebody some day.

by uptoido on 06 Oct 2008 20:23

Hi elcoremino,

You are the first person to post in this forum and you are also the first person to give any feedback about the site in general. I am glad you found this site helpful.

Your advice on picking out your fiancee's engagement ring is very helpful, and I am sure it will benefit a large number of people as this site continues to grow over the years.

Feel free to start a topic about questions you have or advice you would like to share. It is very rare to have engagement advice written by guys so your insights are incredibly valuable :)

by GabeC7 on 13 Jan 2009 16:33

I recently purchased an engagement ring for my girlfriend. It took me months to finally decide on the ring. I'm going to propose at the end of the month. I spend months doing research on different types of rings. I know my girlfriends style pretty well so I knew how she would love the ring, the only thing I had a problem with was deciding what material to have the ring set in. I never knew there were so many different types. I finally went with platinum because its the one that stood out the most among the other materials. Its the most enduring and the most pure which means I get more for my money.